As We Say Our Long Goodbye
by Kimisha
Summary: Set during 5x04 episode 'The End'. Past!Dean finds out that his future self and Castiel were involved in a relationship for years and deeply in love. Yet things have changed dramatically, leaving Csstiel sad and alone, Can Past!Dean help?


_**Hey Guys!**_

_**This is just my short and rather angsty take on 'The end' ~ Destiel Style! The title is yet again a song lyric (I like doing that haha) It's from the Snow patrol song 'Run' – which I hope to do a fanfic video to this song! So keep an eye out! I think it fits the story perfectly. **_

_**Hope you enjoy it…it's only a short one, cause I'm still working through my in-progress fic 'Perfect to me'. If you haven't checked it out, please do!**_

_**Also please R & R this fic and tell your friends! All comments appreciated =)**_

**As We Say Our Long Goodbye**

Dean walked through 'Camp Chitaqua', taking in his surroundings and looking for someone he knew, anybody who could help him get back to 2009.

After Zachariah zapped him forward to 2014 and he had just been confronted with…well himself, Dean was beginning to freak out at the prospect this could be the future.

Dean just wanted to get back to his year and fast.

A familiar voice rang in Dean's ears

"Hey, Dean. You got a second?"

Dean came to a stop in front of Chuck, sighing a little in relief to see a familiar face, although Chuck wasn't exactly who he had in mind to help him get back.

"No…Yes…Uh, I guess so…Hi Chuck"

He stammered out his words and remembered that Chuck would be confusing him with 2014 Dean, so needed to play along.

Dean let Chuck ramble on about getting food, playing along trying to offer what he thought was a helpful suggestion and had managed to just about dodge a punch from Risa…his future self's latest conquest, clearly. He was having one hell of a bad day.

"Oh, jeez…I'm getting busted for stuff I haven't even done yet."

"What?" Chuck said, throwing Dean a confused look.

Dean shook his head and sighed,

"Uh, never mind…"

Dean thought back to the Camp Chitaqua photo he found back at Bobby's and remembered seeing Castiel on the photograph, realisation hit him that is exactly who he needed to find in order to get back.

"…Hey, Chuck…is Cas still here?"

"Yeah…I don't think Cas is going anywhere."

O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Dean entered Castiel's cabin, the strong smell of incense hitting him as he stepped inside. The first sight to greet him was a circle of women sat on the floor with…*is that Cas?* he thought.

"So, in this way, we're each a fragment of total perception. Just Umm, one compartment in that dragonfly eye of group mind. Now, the key to this total, shared perception…it's surprisingly physical…"

Cas glanced to his side, noting Dean stood in the doorway.

"Oh, Excuse me ladies. I think I need to confer with our fearless leader for a minute…" Cas glanced back over to Dean, winking at him knowingly and Dean shook his head slowly trying to register what the hell is going on.

"…Why not go get washed up for the orgy? You're all so beautiful"

Dean's eyes went wide at Cas' suggestion to the women, who willingly got up and left. He couldn't believe this was Castiel.

He stalked towards Cas, who was now stood up stretching his back and Dean took the chance to give him the once over and taking note of his hippie style clothing.

"What are you, a hippie?"

"I thought you had gotten over trying to label me?" Cas rolled his eyes.

Dean didn't have time for this.

"Cas, we got to talk"

Castiel sighed and spun around, his breath immediately hitched at the sight of Dean and his heart skipped a beat…this wasn't his Dean.

"Woahh Strange" Cas slurred out, looking Dean up and down.

"What?"

"You…you are not you. Not now you, anyway." Cas lingered his gaze on Dean, his emotions pushing down heavy on his heart.

It had been a long time since Castiel had seen this Dean.

"No…yeah…yes, exactly" Dean stumbled through his words, happy that Cas could tell he didn't belong here.

"What year are you from?"

"2009"

*The year it all started* Cas thought inwardly.

"Who did this to you? Is it Zachariah?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm interesting"

"Oh yeah it's freakin fascinating…" Dean sighed in frustration; he really didn't have time for any of this.

"Now why don't you strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calendar."

The chuckle that sounded from Cas' mouth was completely alien, almost chilling, full of bitterness and no humour behind it at all. Dean had never heard anything like it.

"I wish I could Uh, just strap on my wings…but I'm sorry no dice."

"What are you stoned?" Dean asked cautiously, eyeing the mess that was future Cas.

"Uh, generally yeah"

Dean felt a pang of sadness for the man in front of him, how the hell did it get to this.

"What happened to you?"

"Life…you…" Cas drawled out his words, his smile now fading as he looked right at Dean.

Dean frowned at the comment and shook his head.

"What do you mean me? How did I do this to you…"

Castiel sighed sadly and lowered his head, before he could respond they heard Future Dean's jeep pull up outside, back from the mission and both of them headed out of the cabin.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Now that everyone in the camp knew Past Dean was around, there was no point in hiding it anymore.

Future Dean updated his former self on the situation, about the croatoan virus spreading and about his mission to find the colt, which after all this time; he had finally managed to get his hands on.

Dean left his future self in the cabin, a sad and depressing feeling flooding his system.

*How did it all come to this…* he thought sadly.

Making a swift decision, Dean headed for Castiel's cabin for more answers.

He half expected to enter the cabin and catch Cas in the middle of an orgy with several women, but the sight that greeted him was very different.

Cas sat in the middle of his camp bed alone, legs crossed and eyes closed, Dean assumed he was doing some hippy crap like meditating.

Dean thought about turning around and giving the guy some peace, he went to make a move for the door when the sound of Castiel's voice stopped him.

"Don't leave…"

Stopping mid turn, Dean glanced back around to Cas who still had his eyes closed.

"Dude that's just creepy…how did you know…"

Cas opened his eyes and looked right at Dean, a tight lipped smile forming on his face.

"You're not exactly quiet when you enter a room…some things never change."

Dean cracked a smile and nodded in understanding.

"Right"

"Come in please….sit down." Cas motioned, scooting up and patting the empty space on the bed next to him.

He hesitated for a moment, before heading over to take a seat next to Cas.

"So…what can I do for you Dean?" Cas asked, his eyes now firmly on the man beside him.

"I dunno…I just needed somewhere to escape to I guess. Figured I'd come get some answers…I'm not exactly the easiest person to talk to…plus it's kinda weird."

Castiel huffed a laugh in agreement and nodded his head slowly.

"Preaching to the choir there…"

Dean noted the bitterness in Cas' voice and remembered their brief conversation before the interruption earlier that day.

"Hey Cas…how did…how did I do this to you?"

Cas' face dropped slightly at the question, he supposed it was his own fault for bringing it up earlier, he should have known past Dean would ask questions and now he had to face the music.

"It doesn't matter…I guess you will find out in time."

"No…come on, of course it matters. What did I do to you? Surely it can't be that bad…I mean, you're still here...by my side."

"Always" Cas hung his head in sadness.

Dean felt the surge of sadness coming from the man sat next to him.

*Loyal until the end*

He reached out, placing a hand tentatively on Castiel's shoulder.

"What happened, Cas? Please…I deserve to know, maybe I can change things."

Castiel smiled sadly and shook his head, staring down at the floor and refusing to meet Dean's eyes.

"You can't…"

"You're right…I can't…if I don't know what it is I've done."

He should have known better, past Dean was not going to let this go…he cared about Cas too much and it felt nice, having Dean care about him again.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you…"

"Try me" Dean challenged, his eyes not leaving Cas.

Cas sighed in defeat and made a leap to explain the situation.

"Not too long after you return back to 2009…you and me…well we…find each other."

"Find each other? What…why where did we go?" Dean asks, confusion shrouding his brain.

Cas laughs a little at Dean's stupidity and continues.

"Find each other…as in realise we are suppose to be…ummm together."

Dean shakes his head in further confusion and Castiel waits patiently, raising an eyebrow at Dean. Finally realisation sinks in and Dean's eyes go wide.

"You mean together…together? Like you…me…sex, kissing, love…the whole nine?"

Cas nods simply, his features remaining serious and Dean's mouth drops open in shock.

"But we're not…I'm not…how? Why…I mean come on, what the hell?"

"It just…happens; turns out that our profound bond…it's much more than just friendship. I love you and you love me." Cas states, the words flowing so naturally.

"But you said it doesn't happen too long after I get back…right now I don't love you…in fact the whole thought of 'US' freaks me the hell out…what changes?" Dean rambles, now sitting back slightly and creating a little distance between him and Cas.

The movement doesn't go unnoticed and Cas rolls his eyes.

"Honestly…I don't know what changes. It takes me by surprise too and it's awkward at first, not to mention weird and sudden…but it happens and it was the best time of my life…and yours."

Dean shakes his head rapidly in disbelief and stands up, now pacing the room back and forth.

"It just seems a little unbelievable…"

"Totally unbelievable…but you can't help who you fall for" Cas nods in agreement.

"OK…so let's say this whole crazy ass thing is real…"

"It is"

"…whatever…so…what the hell happened after that? Why do you hate me so much now?"

"I don't hate him…you. I love you so much and that never went away. It was so good…for years. We stuck together through everything…but when you lost Sam…you changed. We tried to continue and I promised to never leave your side…and I didn't. But you retreated inside of yourself and turned into a soldier, shut everyone out…including me..."

Dean had the courtesy to look ashamed for his future self's actions and he couldn't believe that he would be so cold and turn on his friends. Castiel noted Dean's look of guilt, over something he hadn't done yet.

"I'm so sorry…it shouldn't have been like that…"

"No sense in you apologising…you haven't done anything"

"Yet" Dean finished, now stopping his pacing and looking over to meet with Cas' eyes.

"I just have one more question…why are you still here?"

Cas tore his gaze from Dean and shook his head, laughing humourlessly.

"Because I could never leave you…regardless of how you treated me. We're in this together…until the end."

Dean's heart stopped momentarily at Castiel's admission and his loyalty. Before he could respond, the moment was cut short when Risa interrupted and informed them both that future Dean was calling a meeting.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Past Dean sat listening to himself ramble on about tomorrow's plan of action and how they were going to ice the devil.

Dean took note of how much he had changed, all the emotion and love he once held for his friends had disappeared. He looked dead behind the eyes.

"Our fearless leader, I'm afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth"

Castiel spoke up, his words instantly and voice, vibrating through past Dean and his head shot up.

"Torture? Oh so we're torturing again…"

Future Dean threw a death glare at his former self.

"No, that's good…classy."

Castiel let out a small laugh; he missed Dean's sarcasm and humour. His outburst caused his Dean to move his death glare to Cas.

"What? I like past you." Cas grinned and earned another glare from Dean before he continued with his plan.

Past Dean watched the little exchange continue between the two future men, as they ran through the plan. Cas clearly had his doubts and yet unsurprisingly to Dean, he remained loyal and accepted their fate, agreeing to join the hunt.

Castiel and Risa left after the final plan for the hunt was decided. The two Dean's stayed behind discussing the plan and Dean's future self revealed everything…about Sam saying yes to Lucifer and practically begging himself to return to 2009 and say yes to Michael.

"Oh, no…there's gotta be another way…" Dean shook his head, not even considering that he should go back and agree to be Michael's bitch.

"Yeah, that's what I thought…I was cocky, never actually thought I'd lose. But I was wrong…Dean, I was wrong. I'm begging you…say yes"

Both Dean's stared at one another, silence filling the air. Past Dean refused to believe that saying yes would resolve any of these problems.

Future Dean shook his head and sighed.

"…But you won't. Cause I didn't…Because that's just not us, is it?"

Dean stared his future self in the eyes and shook his head slowly, before turning away.

"I have to ask you something…"

Future Dean stood to attention and waited for the question, his past self turned around to look him in the eye once more before continuing.

"…Things are bad, I can see that…we have lost Sam, the world is in the toilet…so why do we push everyone away…why do we push Cas away?"

Dean watches his future form tense up and tear his gaze away.

"Cas told you…"

"Yeah he did…it's still a little crazy to me right now…but either way, as friends or lovers…why would you push him away?"

Future Dean holds back the tears in his eyes and refuses to meet his own stare.

"I didn't mean to…Just after I lost Sam, the world seemed pointless and all I wanted to focus on was killing the devil. Castiel stayed and I wasn't expecting that…I've treated him like crap and I do feel bad, but we have past the point of no return now. There is no sense in dragging up the past…I don't want to hurt him."

Dean huffed in response, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You complete Ass…you don't want to hurt him? You have already hurt him…I have never seen Cas look so…dead to the world, he is a complete mess." Dean raged, now throwing his hands in the air and glaring at his future self.

He stalked over, coming nose to nose with himself.

"I don't want to turn out like this…family and friends are the most important people to us. All I see when I look at you is anger, venom and hate…and I get it, believe me I do…but the day we stop caring, is the day I kill myself…I won't let us get to this point." Dean spat out, staring into his own eyes, before turning and storming out of the room.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Dean stormed out into the cold night air, furious at himself and what he had become.

This could be their last night on earth and his future self didn't even care enough to go and make amends with Castiel. He made a decision to go and spend time with Cas, he might not be 2014 Dean…but maybe that isn't what Cas needs right now.

Dean approached Cas' cabin, knocking lightly on the door frame, before entering inside.

Cas looked up, his head tilting in confusion at Dean's presence.

"What are you doing here?"

"Honestly…I don't really know…I guess I just wanted to give you some quality time with…the Dean you fell in love with" Dean shuffled nervously and looked down at his feet.

Cas smiled at Dean's vulnerability and honesty, he got up and stalked over to Dean.

"Thank you…even if guilt and the fact you think I'm probably going to die tomorrow is the reason behind you being here….the sentiment is appreciated."

Dean hitched a breath at Cas' reasoning for him being there, but he knew Cas was right.

They sat on Castiel's bed, side by side talking about the past 5 years. Cas explained their relationship further and where it developed…and where it went wrong.

Dean was stunned they had been through so much together, they weren't just lovers, they were best friends too.

"So…when I retreated and shut everyone out, did it just stop? Me and you…" Dean asked hesitantly.

"Kind of…there were a couple of rare occasions when you would smile at me and I felt complete again…but then you would go back into yourself."

Dean sighed in frustration at his own future actions and gave Cas a sorry look.

"I miss you Dean…we would talk occasionally, but it's usually about the mission. We haven't been close in a long while…sure there was a couple of pity fucks along the way, but he was so closed off…it was aggressive, almost meaningless…he wouldn't even let me say 'I love you'…even during those final times, he wouldn't even kiss me during sex…it was so cold… he hasn't kissed me in so long…I miss it"

Castiel looked down at the floor, tears now filling his eyes to the brim as he spoke and he refused to look at the Dean sitting beside him. It just hurt too much.

Dean felt a pang of both guilt and sadness fill his being. He felt bad for Castiel, all he wanted was one last moment with his Dean…the Dean he fell for and his future self wouldn't even give him that.

*Maybe he can't…but I can* Dean thought. He surprised himself with his next move.

He placed a hand on Cas' knee in comfort and gently lifted his head up, placing his fingers under Cas' chin, forcing him to look at Dean.

Their eyes met with an equal sadness, all Dean could see was Castiel's bright blue eyes filled with tears.

Dean leant in and placed a soft, light kiss on Cas' lips.

This kiss was strange and totally new to 2009 Dean. But in that moment Dean would have done or said anything Cas needed to hear, just to make him happy again.

The closed lip kiss lasted seconds before Dean slowly pulled away.

Castiel let his eyes remain closed for a second, before slowly opening them causing a flow of tears to rush down his cheeks and he looked into Dean's eyes…the Dean he fell in love with, all his emotion still in tact and looking right at Cas.

"Thank you Dean."

Dean smiled at Cas, keeping their distance close and invading personal space. His own tears now stinging his eyes, seeing Cas brought to tears of happiness from a simple kiss and Dean couldn't explain his next move, but he just wanted to continue doing exactly what he knew Castiel wanted and was too afraid to ask.

He leant back in hesitantly placing another kiss on Cas' lips and Dean felt his heart skip a beat at the contact, it was much more intimate this time and he brought a hand to rest behind Castiel's neck and pulled him closer.

Castiel gasped against Dean's mouth as his emotions reached breaking point, crying silently as they continued to kiss. Lips moved softly against each other, before Dean pushed his tongue into Cas' mouth and deepened the kiss.

They pulled away gasping for breath, tears now streaming down both of their faces, Dean held their foreheads together and absently ran his fingers through Castiel's hair.

"Dean…this is a big step for you…I know you're just giving me what I want and I am so grateful."

"Anything you want Cas…anything you need to hear from me…I'll do it. It's the least I can do after everything you have been through…whatever you need."

Cas took a moment feeling Dean's breath tickling his face, their foreheads still pressed together and sighed in content.

"Lie to me…"

Cas breathed out, causing Dean to pull back slightly in confusion.

"What?"

"Lie to me, please Dean. I know you're not at that place yet…but I need to feel you…hear the words…please Dean, just lie to me…just for tonight."

Dean nodded sadly in understanding and moved back in to kiss Castiel. This time the kiss was more urgent and tongues tangled together in a wave of passion, at that point Dean realised he really would do anything to make Cas happy…and he would.

Castiel deepened the kiss and moved against Dean, pushing him backwards onto the bed and letting his weight rest on top of Dean. Much to Cas' surprise, Dean let him.

Cas moved slowly against Dean, letting his leg slip between Castiel's legs to create friction and they move in sync with each other, Cas even more surprised to find Dean was just as aroused as he was.

Clothes were slowly peeled from each others bodies and discarded on the floor. Now fully naked, Dean felt incredibly vulnerable and yet it wasn't as strange as he thought it may have been…it felt right.

Cas moved on top of Dean, letting their erections rub together as he continued to kiss Dean. He pulled back looking directly into Dean's eyes, both men were now panting heavily and Dean gave Cas a small nod in permission to continue.

Cas lubed up his entrance and prepared himself for Dean, who lay beneath the former angel watching in fascination. Once he was ready, Cas positioned himself above Dean's hard cock and slowly sank down, earning a long hard moan from Dean's mouth.

Dean immediately grabbed Cas' upper arms for support, the tight feeling surrounding him nearly pushing him over the edge too soon. Once he was deep inside Castiel, Dean opened his eyes and locked contact with Cas, slowly pulling him down so their bodies were fully connected.

"I love you Castiel"

Cas knew Dean was lying, that is exactly what he asked him to do and Dean definitely wasn't at that point in his life yet to love Cas, but he felt humbled and moved that Dean cared enough to lie to him on this final night.

It was exactly what Castiel needed, another tear falling from his eyes and smiling down at Dean in appreciation.

"I love you too Dean…god I love you so much"

Their lips met again, softly brushing against one another as Castiel started to move on top of Dean.

They moved together, Cas pushed onto Dean, who in turn bucked his hips up to meet with the friction and moved in and out of Castiel.

The room was close to silent, with only the sounds of moans and heavy breathing present in the air. The men continued kissing softly between moans, Cas gripped Dean's shoulders in support and Dean ran one hand through Cas' hair, while the other rubbed slowly up and down Castiel's side and back.

"Ohhh Dean" Cas moaned, as he lightly kissed at Dean's neck and moved faster on top of him.

"God Cas…it feels so good." Dean moaned…this time not lying.

Castiel smiled against Dean's neck and picked up his pace once more.

They rode out their orgasms together, panting and calling out each others names, their foreheads pressed together in closeness.

Castiel pulled off Dean slowly and lay next to his former love on the bed.

"Thank you Dean" He smiled sleepily.

Dean pulled Cas close to his body, giving him one final wish and cradling him close, wrapping his arms tightly around his former angel.

He kissed the top of Castiel's head and whispered into his ear.

"I love you so much Cas"

Dean felt Castiel smile against his chest, before sleep took hold of them both.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Dean stood over Castiel's lifeless body, tears streaming down his face as he knelt down next to him.

Cas wasn't stupid he had known that Future Dean's plan would get them all killed and yet he still went willingly, sticking to his promise to stay by his side until the end.

Dean placed a kiss on Castiel's forehead.

"I won't let it come to this Cas…I promise. I'll make this right."

And so Dean headed outside, just in time to see Lucifer in Sam's form killing his future self.

*I won't let it come to this* Dean repeated back in his head, as he watched the scene unfold in front of him.

*Never*

**END**

_**Quick Update ~ I made a fanfic video to go with this fic, please check it out!**_

.com/watch?v=a72usTQKyAU&feature=g-upl


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